Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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