her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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