Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
