Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
