Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
