I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
