I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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