You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
lets start a swedish sibling band together
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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