I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
