did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
