Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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