Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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