Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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