And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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