I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
