Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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