Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
