I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
