life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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