i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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