Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
