Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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