now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
