Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
