I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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