she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
