so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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