You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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