Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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