I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
