if i can run in heels then i can drive
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
