It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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