Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
