Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize