True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
