The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
