I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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