Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
