Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
