help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
