i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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