jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
