Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
