he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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