No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
