I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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