So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
