Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
