walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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