He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
