soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
