I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
