I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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