i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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