Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
