Don't you send me to vm
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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