OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize