dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
