The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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