proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize