just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
