i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
