Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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