you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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