do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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