i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
