i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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