I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
