is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
