Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
