He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
