Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
